i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
false alarm. still invincible.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
