the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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