Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
