I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love having hate sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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