Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
