I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
