im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm too high and old for this...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
