by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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