i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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