Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to make out with him forever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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