I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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