I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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