I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
