There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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