3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
