you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
