dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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