I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize