I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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