I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
