imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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