Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
