Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
