There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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