is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
