This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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