my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
