he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
