i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
