I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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