He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
