if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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