we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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