Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
