Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
