he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
