I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Farmville is her only friend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
