you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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