remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
