so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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