got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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