i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
