Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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