It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this just has baby written all over it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
