I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
