Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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