Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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