He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
