he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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