i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
