Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
