guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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