the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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