I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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she pinky promised me she was 18
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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