OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
