I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
