So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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