then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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