We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
