drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My balls are so social today.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
