oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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