My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i now understand why vodka
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
