it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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