too bad you live with your parents still
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
