Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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