I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
