and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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