I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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