My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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