is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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